Lacey Couple & Family Therapy Services, PLLC

Betsy L. Hicks, MA, LMFT

Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

What does a healthy relationship look like?

A good question, in theory, but couple’s therapist Julie Menanno wants you to consider: what does a securely attached relationship feel like?

The answer to this question is the ultimate goal in Secure Love, an “incredibly wise and helpful guide” (Jen Sincero, New York Times bestselling author of You Are a Badass) to understanding secure attachment in adult relationships. While attachment theory has grown in popularity to explain the relationship between children and their caregivers, it’s also the closest science has come to making sense of our adult romantic connections.

In this book Julie Menanno, the expert behind the popular Instagram account @TheSecureRelationship, tackles:
-Why you and your partner have the same fight over and over (hint: it’s called a negative cycle, and underlying every fight, argument, silent treatment, or passive-aggressive comment is an unmet attachment need).
-“Instead of that, say this” suggested scripts of how to approach difficult situations in your relationship more effectively.
-The four attachment types, with exercises to understand you and your partner’s attachment style.
-How to improve communication, including staying connected during conflict by prioritizing vulnerability rather than protecting yourself.
-Why insecure attachment negatively impacts a couple’s sex life and how to ignite that sexual connection.

Secure Love is a crash course in understanding how you show up in a relationship and guides you on getting out of negative cycles to find safety in one another. In doing so, “you’ll be armed with eternal wisdom for strengthening your relationship” (Dr. Sue Johnson, founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples and bestselling author of Hold Me Tight) and establish a secure attachment with your partner to create the bond you’ve been longing for.

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Favorite Quotes

  • "A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes."
    Mahtma Gandhi
  • "Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
    Watch your words, for they become actions.
    Watch your actions, for they become habits.
    Watch your habits, for they become character.
    Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny."
    Unknown
  • "Celebrate what you want to see more of."
    Tom Peters
  • "Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege.
    Use it. Dwell in the possibility."
    Oprah Winfrey
  • "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve."
    Napoleon Hill
  • The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen.
    Gilbert Chesterton
  • "Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass…
    It's about learning to dance in the rain."
    Vivian Greene
  • "You are very powerful, provided you know how powerful you are."
    Yogi Bhanjan
  • "Becoming acquainted with yourself is a price well worth paying for the love that will really address your needs."
    Daphne Rose Kingma
  • "My willingness to be intimate with my own deep feelings creates the space for intimacy with another.
    Shakti Gawain
  • "The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself."
    Steve Maraboli
  • "To accept ourselves as we are means to value our imperfections as much as our perfections."
    Sandra Bierig
  • "You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."
    Buddah
  • "It is never too late to be what you might have been."
    George Eliot
  • "Growth begins when we start to accept our own weakness."
    Jean Vanier
  • "In order for tomorrow to change, you must do something today. "
    Phillip Gee
  • "Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings."
    Miles Franklin
  • "The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new."
    Socrates
  • "If you persistently seek validation from others, you will inadvertently invalidate your own self-worth."
    Dondinsky
  • "If you don't build your dream someone else will hire you to build theirs."
    Unknown
  • "It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not."
    Unknown
  • "The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be."
    Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • "If you are not willing to learn, no once can help you. If you are determined to learn, no once can stop you."
    wisdomlifequotes.com
  • "Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about un-becoming everything that isn't really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place."
    The Center for Mindful Living
  • "The day I stopped trying to be perfect was the day I found peace. I am enough. You are enough. We all are."
    Anna Grace Taylor
  • “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”
    Brené Brown
  • “Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
    Brené Brown
  • “If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive.”
    Brené Brown
  • “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.”
    Brené Brown
  • “And suddenly you know… it’s time to start something new, and trust the magic of new beginnings.”
    Meister Eckhart
  • "It always seems impossible until it's done."
    Nelson Mandela
  • "Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough."
    Og Mandino
  • "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it."
    Charles R. Swindoll
  • "Don't place your mistakes on your head, their weight may crush you. Instead, place them under your feet and use them as a platform to view your horizons."
    Unknown

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